Blue Ear Kisses Cure Depression 7


I’m jumping ahead in my Blue story because it’s on my heart right now.  You need it just as much as me.  Tonight (March 14), I was able to stand outside in a T-shirt, not freeze, and stare up at the stars.  If not for the starlight, the black sky would expand forever.  Starlight grounds the night sky.  A breeze from behind threw my hair over my shoulder, and my heart squeezed.

Blue would always come up behind me (and others), put his nose on my shoulder, and breathe a few breaths in my hair.

Ear Kisses

Ear Kisses

My middle school and high school days flat-out sucked.  I’ll go into more of that in later posts, but I want to mention something that very few people know about me.  (That’s about to change, right?)  Within my high school days, even though I don’t think I’d have ever done it, suicide did cross my mind.  Now, I’m so far from that I can’t remember the exact circumstances, but if I scrolled back through my digital journals, I’d find the depressed words of my past.

Blue was the biggest star grounding the ever-expanding dark sky of my teenage years.  I can remember many days I didn’t want to do life, but I did anyway.  Because there was a horse dependent on me for his breakfast!  I rolled out of bed at 5:45, and I went to the barn before school.  After school–back to the barn.  Blue would lend me his legs to give my heart wings.  (Wow, for a second just now, I was riding him again.)

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Depression is real pain, and it cycles, so I have good memories from high school, too, but my point is

Lots of people don’t release their depressed emotion to others because they’re ashamed or afraid of how they’ll be received.

Blue was always my silent listener for the good of my life, but especially the bad.  And, to mention one of Chase’s many Blue-inspired moments, he was “my steady.”  Blue was God’s way of getting my deeply sensitive heart safely through a dark night.  Suicide never crosses my mind anymore–unless I’m praising and thanking God for this amazing bay horse He put in my life.  Now, I love my life so much.  If you met me in person, you’d see that.

I’m sharing this because I know I’m writing this for at least one person dealing with depression and/or suicidal thoughts.  However you got here, this message is for you.  Depression is bound in time.  It ends.  Even though that seems impossible, you’ve got to look for the shining stars that’ll keep your dark night from expanding forever.  Next time you feel alone, look up at the night sky.  My guardian angel is up there now, and I’ll gladly share him with you.  If you’re patient enough, he’ll come sniff your hair in the breeze.  That’s Blue and God telling you, “It’s all going to be okay.”

Thanks, Blue.  (And God.)  You were my best friend when I needed one so badly.

Write this down for yourself:  Depression has no power over me.  It has to end, and it has to leave.

I’ve been there, and I can promise… The sun does rise.


About Sydney

Sydney is writing happy endings. She loves connecting with readers and writers while helping them pursue their dreams. In August 2015, Sydney released her first novel Chase through Koehler Books. When she isn't writing, Sydney can be found at the barn with her horse Snowdy.

  • Wow, this really hit close to home. I too struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts and attempted suicide three times when I was a teenager. I was so ashamed of it, especially for being depressed while a Christian. And I can agree with you that it did not last forever and now I enjoy life as well! I’m so glad that you were blessed with Blue.

    • “Especially for being depressed while a Christian”–you hit the nail on the head with that one! Time to break the expectation that “being Christian” means you never feel anything bad. God never promised it’d be easy. He promised to always be with us. Thanks for sharing some of your story!

  • Truly beautiful. My dogs have been such a source of comfort to me in my darkest hours. Kudos for bravely posting this for those that will be blessed by it.

    • I have a dog I love dearly, too <3 They're such wonderful gifts!

  • Beautiful! Thank you for sharing.

  • Beautiful.

  • Animals can balm the soul. Lovely story, thank you.